Thursday, August 7, 2014
Marx, Jesus, and Mohammed at War
Marx, Jesus, and Mohammed were in a war. Marx told the followers of Jesus that Jesus wasn't who his followers say he is. Marx then ate and swallowed Jesus whole. Still, the followers of Jesus insisted that what Marx had eaten was that of his own imagination; then Marx had the followers of Jesus silenced and cast to the level of the proletariat, while Marx and his children ran the schools, media centers, and even the churches. The followers of Jesus were jailed, taxed, and given menial jobs, lest they conform in thought to that of Marx himself. Meanwhile, as Mohammed and his men spread his word by means of the sword, they galloped to nation after nation, putting to death all who stood in their way. The followers of Jesus fed the ground with their blood and were no more, while others joined the ranks of the Mohammedans. Soon enough, however, word of this fertile soil reached the ears of some who resisted the call of Marx and his materialist regime in which the only crime was a suggestion of an unseen world. "For," they said, "there are good reasons to believe that there is more than meets the eye." Marx quickly had these people thrown in prison, where they suffered til they died, but not with despair. With the followers of Jesus gone (or so they thought), they rejoiced with Mohammed that the great enemy--the followers of Jesus--had been removed from the face of the earth. "Now," said Marx to Mohammed, "You and I shall be one," though Marx had in his mind to destroy Mohammed as well, for he was a brutal beast, and held no sway in the academic halls of the eternal dialectic. Marx drew from his own army in the new bourgeois, which had been the proletariat ("Funny how that happens," he thought) and did his best against Mohammed and his sword. However, Marx had at this point in his life become a soft pleasure-seeker ever and anon, and was not able to resist the sword of Mohammed. So filled with pleasure was Marx that he no longer knew if he were male or female; Marx turned on himself, and Mohammed waged war against Marx for ever and anon. Now, the spirit of Jesus endured, and his followers came up from the ground like an army of ants. Here an ant, there an ant. Marx's remnant and Mohammed's bloodthirsty men paid no attention to them, and with the world in darkness and chaos and filled with the blood of the followers of each man, the ants grew in greater number as the followers of Marx and Mohammed dwindled. Marx dwindled in his lust for pleasure and academic power, and Mohammed diminished Marx and his followers with ease. Soon too, the followers of Mohammed turned on each other and cut each other asunder, spilling blood in their anger and despair at the hopelessness of life and the false promise of heaven for murderer (for they knew it wasn't true in their heart of hearts). The followers of Jesus rose up and resisted the bloody sword of Mohammed by proclaiming peace. They also buried Marx in a grave marked with sadness, and began to reason with their previous oppressors that indeed, there was more to the eye than indeed meets it. Through patience, reason, love and faith, they endured, and repaired the ruins of war wrought by Marx and Mohammed. They forgave their captors, their murderers, and the ones who slaughtered their own children with unmentionable brutality. Peace then came upon the earth, forever and anon, in the name of the Prince of Peace.